i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
