if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
