how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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