Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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