He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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