It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
zippers are such a cool invention
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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