My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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