If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
