I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I met the friendliest cop last night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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