i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
