my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
