We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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