He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
