His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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