I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Damn victory sex feels great
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
