I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
