i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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