New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize