thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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