I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
