This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
