i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
