Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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