Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
