Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize