There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
