so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She's the barista slut.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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