Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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