have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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