Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
