So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
