I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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