God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize