Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
