he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
