Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
