She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
