Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
