For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
