big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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