a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
