u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
