I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
