my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
