PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So vagazzling was a success
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
