You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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