I love having hate sex.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh god it's open bar.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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