mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
