Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
