you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
