Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
