So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
