I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize