I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
