Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
