im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we should paint friendship bongs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
