i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
