writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
