Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think i got beer on your cat.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
