Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I FOUND THE LEGS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
