He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
