does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
