Me too!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
