There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize