He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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