I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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