Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
