Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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