so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
