we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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