LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
