I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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