i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
