Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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