he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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