don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
