your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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