I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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