Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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