Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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