New low: just hacked my moms facebook
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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