apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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