Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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