Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
