1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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