I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
