I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
