I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
