Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
