there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
