I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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