if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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