It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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