i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
