I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
